I recently turned 25 (not very recently, it was in May) and let me tell you I DO NOT feel like it. It’s so foreign to me this concept of being an adult, it’s like I’m supposed to know stuff about life and how to convince people to trust me not to burn the place down… I cannot believe the kind of responsibilities I’m dealing with. I barely know what taxes are.
Wow, I’m not exactly coming across as a trustworthy source of advice in this intro… but I promise, what I don’t know about the practicalities of day-to-day life I make up for by analyzing and picking apart the idiosyncrasies of people and relationships.
In 25 years I didn’t learn how to do my taxes or pay my electricity bill (thank you, mom, for being more of an actual adult) but I got a thing or two figured out about a thing or two.
Nothing in your life has to make sense to anyone else because nobody else is going to live with the consequences of your decisions.
Diets never work. Ever. Not this one and not that one. The only thing that ever works is achieving balance but it’s hard as fuck and it’s annoying.
It’s more important to find someone who loves you for you than to never get rejected or abandoned.
If someone knows you and they leave by definition they can’t be right for you (as a friend or a partner).
Good looks don’t make you happy and they don’t magically turn you into the person you want to be. Losing weight doesn’t do that either.
You choose what meaning to give to things.
You DO create your own reality (whether you believe in the LOA, manifestation or just hard work).
When you feel as sad as can be, place your hands on your heart and tell yourself ‘I love you. I’m here. You’re safe. I will never leave you.’ - because it’s true. It should be.
Other people treat you and react to you the way you expect them to. Also, what you permit you promote.
It takes some effort to respond as the person you want to be.
No one has to approve of your needs and feelings or tell you that they’re valid - you just have them, that’s it.
Femininity is inherently restrictive and when you feel like you’re failing at it - just remember that it’s completely arbitrary, historically and culturally contingent and ultimately meaningless. There is no ‘right way’ to be a woman.
You’re going to die one day. No, you really are.
Mornings are beautiful when I actually do what Mel Robinson tells us to do and count 1,2,3,4,5 and just get the fuck up.
Savings are important but don’t save too much - you need them for emergencies and stuff like that but at some point, you have to actually find something to invest in. I know I said I’m not good at adulting but this one I kinda figured out.
There are some things that people tell you are essential that are actually not and there’s nothing wrong with living life on your own terms. I never got my drivers licence, I don’t plan on having kids, I never got the purpose of ‘functional underwear’... It’s okay.
If you don’t wash your dishes after a meal you’ll soon be washing them before one.
Someone being wrong or holding a despicable opinion does not require any reaction, emotion or attention on your part.
A Starbucks raspberry coconut milk latte contains the calories of a meal you could have had. But sometimes you’re gonna have one anyway, YOLO I guess.
Do what you feel inspired to do when you feel inspired to do it because sometimes you can squeeze a 6-hours-worth of work into 2h. just because you’re in your flow. Even if it’s past midnight… oh, well.
Get the small annoying stuff like calling a technician for the washing machine out of your way as soon as you can.
Even if you have every right to be angry and it’s completely valid and understandable - anger, resentment and fear are going to poison you slowly. Find a way to let them go. Do yoga or meditate, or go see a therapist or just get super tired of your own bullshit and decide you have no space for anger anymore.
Similarly, let go of regret. If you had known better you would’ve done better but you didn’t. Sucks. But it’s over now.
Don’t pour your love and your energy into people who are not painfully aware of their own mortality. Honestly, if she’s fine with the thought of her last words to you being words of contempt - she doesn’t know shit about life. I still can’t get over being on bad terms with my childhood best friend when she killed herself. Don’t let people think you don’t love them or value them, they may die with that thought still in their hearts. No one is promised tomorrow.
Life surprisingly doesn’t end at 30 and you still have plenty of time to find love, buy a home, decide whether you want to have children, go back to uni or find a new hobby. But it’s also true that 30 is not the new 20 and you might want to consider learning to be a grown-up and take care of yourself and others before that. Don’t simply waste 10 years of your life on having fun or ‘discovering your passion’ or avoiding big decisions for fear of missing out on something better. Make those decisions. Only death is final.
Aaand that’s it. A little macabre but birthdays make me think of our impending doom. Just kidding. They make me think of cake. But also death, yes, not gonna lie.
I’m getting a little bit older, one additional candle at a time. It’s a good reminder that life will inevitably end and I cannot simply waste it.